her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Drake has all the answers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize