Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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