so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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