my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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