I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
