I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize