I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
