glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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