he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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