Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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