my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
