After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
