If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
