now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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