Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
