Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
time to smoke my breakfast
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize