It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
