I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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