I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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