He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
