If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
not ubering you a puppy
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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