How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
