you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
