the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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