I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
