I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
