the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
