You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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