best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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