when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
