As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
