We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
