Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize