Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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