So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
