God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
