You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
