i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
