3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
