Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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