I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
