The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
