I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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