your parents love me but you hate me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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