How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize