you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
