I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
