THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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