you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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