ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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