People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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