i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
