Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
