Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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