return my video game
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
