Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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