If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize