it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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