Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
