When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you had me at cake vodka
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
