I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
