Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
