We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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