when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
