Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
