I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
