I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
