I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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