woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sarcasm needs its own font
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
