If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
