My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
