Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
